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The daily grind is what gets ya

If you dropped me into my life today, from 10 years ago, I would tell you to click your heels 3 times, wiggle your nose, cross your arms and blink or wave your magic fairy wand...whatever it is you needed to do to GET ME OUT OF HERE. Because THIS isn't exactly what was in my plan. Please don't misunderstand...I'm not angry or miserable about my life right now. That would just be a big ol' waste of time and energy and honestly, right now I don't have any extra of either. But when you walk with the daily grind, you sometimes don't see the big picture and realize how things have changed along the way...tiny things that you don't notice because you're deep in the trenches and too busy to stop and figure out that those tiny changes add up to gigantic ones eventually. This season of life is one many of us have already been through or will go through eventually. Many have said I should write a book about my experiences caring for my mother with Louie Body Dementia until her passing, and now my father with coronary heart disease and debilitating physical limitations. Oh and toss in a few other personal traumas, chaos, and general insanity along the way and you have the makings of either a country song or a Jerry Springer special. There's no way I could write a book about those experiences in order to help others deal with it because every single situation is so very different. Even if your mother or father suffered with the exact same diagnosis, the situation and everything that goes along with it would be different and my 'words of wisdom' wouldn't be any help at all. But back to that whole 'dropping me into my life right now' dealio.....if I stop to look around, I DO think...Holy Hell, how did I get HERE? Here is NOT where anyone wants to be. Caring for a dying parent is NOT something you WANT to do. Caring for ANYone you love that's dying is NOT something you ever want to do. It's done out of love, obligation, empathy, responsibility, fear, pressure, or a myriad of other reasons, and often a combination of many. It's emotionally, physically, and mentally overwhelming and exhausting while testing every limit you've ever known. There are no easy answers and if you're very lucky, you have a support system in place that will be on the other side when you come through it....because you will HAVE to come through it in order to survive. And when you wake up one day, look around, and are a bit shocked by what you are in the middle of, it's so very important to realize not every single moment has to be about the person you are caring for, and there must be moments that are about the care giver....the one that's in the trenches, and the one that's going in on a wing, a prayer, and good eyeliner hoping for the best. So yes....I do step away. I still manage to get out of the house, showered and make up on, and go to dinner. I have to be reminded that my world still exists and I'm still a part of it so when I'm back, I'll recognize the places and people I've missed. Whatever you're struggling with, whatever holds your heart tight, and your soul hostage....know that you have to step away from the struggle and remind yourself who you are, why you're here, and what you have to give. And what you've already given and survived, and how much you are loved. Sending you all so very much glitter and grace, Sasha

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